Shrine to Bill Nye Discovered in Custodian Closet

by Elizabeth Ruddy

April 2016 (Volume 66, Issue 3)

Sarah Davies, freshman at Needham High, was in for the surprise of her life this Tuesday when she opened the door to the Custodian Closet in the 100s to find an unmistakable and sinister shrine dedicated to the renowned “Science Guy”, Bill Nye himself.  Davies was sent by her teacher, Mr. Dunn to look for a bunsen burner for the Yeast Lab, but what she found was much more than she’d bargained for.  

“I heard a voice coming from inside the closet, so I opened it, hoping there would be a teacher inside who could help me.  When I saw what was inside, I knew immediately, this was no ordinary closet,” confessed Davies.  

The “voice” she had heard was discovered to be the Bill Nye theme song, playing on loop endlessly for weeks by an old radio.  The floor is littered with Nye artifacts including beakers, a globe, an inordinate amount of bow ties, and a moldy piece of bread without a crust, presumably honoring the acclaimed series “Richie, Eat Your Crust.”  At the altar itself, towards the back of the closet, candles line the sides of the walls, leading up to a life-size cardboard cutout of Nye himself, peering benevolently down at worshippers.  

Both the Science and Custodial departments at the school appeared to be baffled by the news of such a closet, leaving it unclear as to who built the shrine and for what purpose, however several potential suspects have been identified.  

All admirers of the “Science Guy” are welcome to visit the Shrine which is being left up for educational purposes.   

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